Grief

When my mother died, my grief was more like relief. She had been so very sick, and I had nursed her those last few weeks. She was in so much pain. She couldn't eat, and was starving to death. But when she was lucid we had a few nice talks. Even knowing that each one might be my last, I don't think I was as nice as I should have been to her. And when she died early on a Sunday afternoon, I was relieved. She was FINALLY with the Lord.

When my brother, Carl, said something about her at her funeral, about how much he loved her, and he always knew she loved him, even when he was at his worst, and that she always prayed for him, that got to me, and the tears came and I grieved.

Even now, at times, I'll pick up the phone and dial my mom's old telephone number, and then realize by the time I hit the 7th number, she's not just a phone call away. And that's after almost 20 years of her being with her Lord. There have been many things I've wanted to ask her. I would love to be able to talk to her about what I'm feeling today.

I'm grieving. I had only six days for form a love for a grandchild that I would never see or hold. I was so happy about the new little one. I was already planning his/her new memory book, the help I would give my daughter when the baby was born, the help I was going to give her tomorrow during her bed-rest time, but it is not to be. God took the baby to be with Him. Now as I type this through tears -- I'm still crying over this -- I know that His will is best, and whatever His plans are for another grandchild for us are His best. It's just hard sometimes to understand that God's best for us is just that -- His best, not necessarily what we think is our best.

Now I have 12 wonderful grandchildren to talk to and enjoy. Two are with our Savior and I shall see them some day.

Thank you Lord for my grandchildren. Help me to be an example of your love and grace, and help me to let them know about you and your majesty, the fact that you are wonderful, a counselor -- someone they can talk to --, the Mighty God, our everlasting Father, and the Prince of Peace.