I would have been arrested

I was watching the news today and heard about a third-grader who was suspended because he sniffed his shift. Fact is he was sniffing the smell on his shirt at the point at which his shirt had been injected with "Sharpie" ink. I like to smell "Sharpie" ink also.


When I went to school, I loved to smell the pages that were run off on the ditto machine. What kid doesn't?

Well, it seems that "sniffing" can make you high (inebriated) and so smelling glue or paper or anything touched by a "Sharpie" is on the list at government schools and apparently these are considered narcotics and sniffing of these substances is not permitted in the drug-free government school zones.


I wonder if sniffing the vile things that are sometimes cooked up in school cafeterias is considered dangerous to one's health. Remember how we used to hold our noses when the chem labs were working with sulfur? Noxious, yes. Something that would cause one to be drunk -- who would know, the stuff smells so bad no one would be willing to try.


Now, why would I have been arrested, other than for sniffing the handouts from the teacher that had just been run off on the ditto machine?

Well, I also heard on the news (can't find it on the internet, though, so I can't prove it really happened, but don't doubt that it has happened) that a first-grade boy was suspended because one of his classmates -- a girl -- had charged him with sexual harassment. Apparently, the little girl didn't like his touching her annoyingly from behind -- not on the behind. You know, like when there were inkwells in the desk and boys would dip girl’s pigtails in the inkwells? It has gone beyond just suspension, though, apparently her parents have filed suit against the boy.

Well, I would have been arrested for sexual harassment in kindergarten if the rules of today were in force back in the 40s and 50s. I loved boys -- I mean boys had the best games, they could keep up in races, they were fun to ride a bike with, and they liked to play cowboys and Indians. Girls didn't (mostly). I also liked to show my affection to my playmates with a kiss. Now, the boys I hung around with didn't like the kissing stuff, so I suppose one could have spoken up to his parents and had me kicked out of school, kicked off the street, and even removed from Runnemede. I wonder where I’d be now if that had happened.

I think I would hate to be in school these days. I loved school when I went. I tried to behave as much as possible. And, I was considered a well-behaved youngster, but I did things that today would send me to the pokey (that’s jail for those of you that don’t read Louis L’amour).

I’m signing off of this one because I can’t put into words the exasperation I’m feeling about the idiocy of charging a kindergartner with sexual harassment or suspending a third grader and accusing that child of narcotics usage because he smelled the ink on his T-shirt.